in fact it already has.

it's been a very interesting week of revelations.

fascinating how there's no hiding true selves, ever.

even more, how they find one another. possibly some kind of radar system at work.

there's another saying about birds and how they flock together.

it could be modified to suit snakes.

proven time and again i'm exceedingly bad at judging character.

is it sadness? i duno.

what i do know, is that too many things have lost their meaning.

it's obviously time to go. hopefully we've all enjoyed each other no matter how shortlived.

hello myself wats up. sch hols over in a blink, back to sch for "enhanced sch experience". all fresh trainees get 4 wks to get a feel of "the real thing". somewhat distorted experience as far as im concerned. my classes have all been taken over by other teachers so while the other really-fresh trainees have been properly allocated observation schedules and all, i, the stale one, spend my time taking relief PE classes since we're shorthanded and they think i've already experienced enough in the half year i've been there. not complaining, since now im usu done by 11am. got loads of backlog marking to catch up with though. sigh.

youth day today. nice, we all get a long wkend.

good fren and i signed up for shape run and great eastern run, 5km and 10km respectively. the last time i went for these stuff..was back in sec 2 probly, when i was still in x-ctry. i'l admit i was enticed by the goodie packs lol but hey, watever works man.

that, and NIE with its promise of inter-sch/hostel/ class games, i got all motivated to start training and regular balling sessions. its alot alot of fun haha. started taking glucosamine supplements for my joints. knees and ankles. milestone. me who never believed in popping pills. oh well. if it'l allow me to play a few more years it'd be worth it.

music wise, its just been one long wait after another. i'd have been disappointed, except that im really getting used to it. we'l get more regular action after raj n paul finalise the lyrics and vocal parts. just as well anyway, i havent felt very much like playing. mulling over how to pack the guitars away from the dust for the time being. i think i was just searching for the team spirit thing when i started playing. its probly too much to ask for from musicians. at least i got sports for now.

it's been 2 wks of sch hols alrdy, time really does fly when u're havin fun. i've been real busy slacking and trying to fuse with the furniture, most notably the bed and couch. now i feel brain functions slowing down too. is this the life or what man.

actually i been playing lotsa badminton now that i got mornings free. even here i can't resist the temptation of new gear. spotted a boy using a real pretty racket (helps that he plays good) and after some inquiring, decided i just had to have one of those. sintec nano heat in hot red. hoo yeah. sound like momo? at least im consistent lol.

oh and we resumed jamming coz raj has recovered enough for it. obviously still missing some dexterity but hell it was good. it's been 8 long mths, what with the guys' reservist callups and raj's accident. the session was extended frm 2hr to almost 4 and i ended up with blistered fingers by the end of it. raj is a friggin' awesome drummer. sadeq plays great bass too, i'd almost forgotten coz all we do is annoy each other over msn. he's been in the papers quite a bit coz of heritage the band, at 1st over some award, then the passing of the drummer (whom i didnt know, but RIP). of coz im not gona give sadeq the satisfaction of knowing i read his news. actually there isnt any real animosity but he gets to me coz he treats me like one of the guys (which i'm not, ok? ahh the irony). but then we put up with each other coz we all love raj. and paul..dear paul who plays much better guitar but has to delegate to me coz of the singing. he got back with his ex (who showed up near the end of the jam) and somehow i felt unexpectedly upset. haha hmm what the hell. anyway it'll pass.

finally finished attending the 3rd wedding dinner in as many weeks. consecutively. it's always nice to see someone u care about in such bliss. i wonder if i'l ever get there. anyway we're all so busy these days, this kinda occasion's great as an excuse for a get-together. so since the angpaos burnt a huge hole in my pocket, i got my alcohol fix from all these places over the wkends. havent managed to go drinking during wkday as earlier envisioned. must...go...soon...

so my birthday came and went. it was rather different this year coz i was at the Sec 1 camp with my kids. kinda cool to have so many ppl singing the bday song i guess, except the 1B kids kept launching into their rendition everytime i was spotted so i probly heard it more than a dozen times that day. paiseh la, me rikes keep low profile u know haha. then for the next few days i still had ppl shouting "happy belated bday!" >.< kids. sometimes i wana shake my head and laugh, other times i wana strangle them. they kept asking "teacher, why ur bday still must work?" these kiddies are gona be so disappointed to realise bdays do not equate with public hols.

1B..singing..

i was snapping photos left right center. these kids are lucky to have someone chronicle their experience in pix. somemore dare to call me paparazzi tsk. but i'l so miss these little devils when i leave. which is soon. especially my 1C darlings. sigh.

some of my 1C kids

isnt he just the cutest..

u know how, 2 mins into a conversation, u wana roll ur eyes at the things kids say? ok patience has never been my strong suite. but once in awhile, im lucky enuf to come across a kid who's truly special. i wonder if it really has to take a harrowing experience like a serious illness to make them turn out so different. or is being a people person an inherent quality? whatever the case, stay healthy, kid. and happy.

the contract came and i signed it. admittedly it caused me some sleepless nights wondering if this would be a wise choice. as always, i decided to just go with the flow, since all this has happened, it's probably fate anyway. so there, the next 5 yrs are pretty much set. i'm looking fwd to going back to being a student, it's the 3-yr bond after that which scares me. anyway since the deal's inked already, shan't worry about it. just roll with the punches.

oh while i was fretting, i indulged in a lil retail therapy. and then there were six. haha. gosh. i need help. the baby's in transit. more later.

my employer has a wonderful Learning Development Scheme which grants me a few hundred bucks to blow on IT (amongst others) products every year so yay i finally own a digicam

highly recommended by the EL Dept. this is a tale which begins in pre-civil war Afghanistan, through the fall of the monarchy and the days of the Taliban. a story of a true but somewhat awkward friendship between a privileged Afghan and his servant's son. the book is simply but powerfully written. makes for very poignant reading. i was up till 3am reading it. comin from someone who is usually KO'ed before midnight, that's something.

buoyed by the experience, i went seeking more treasures in the world of books and found this:

everybody knows Murphy. everyone feels his distinguished (and unwelcome) presence in our lives, some more than others. this would be an interesting read, i thought. to my dismay, it turned out to really be a science book (see book title), filled with scary-looking and unpronounceable jargon about the brain's parts and its processes. still, there were plenty of entertaining instances quoted where dear Murphy makes his presence felt. my top 30 list:

1. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong
2. Whatever can’t go wrong, will go wrong
3. Any attempt to do nothing, so nothing can go wrong, will go wrong
4. You cannot stop the love affair between pasta sauce and a white shirt
5. As soon as you mention something; if it’s good it goes away; if it’s bad it happens
6. Nothing works when people watch
7. When you search for something, you go back to the same place again and again
8. The best way to be late is to give yourself plenty of time
9. Whatever you like is illegal, immoral or fattening
10. The only tunes that you can’t get out of your head  are the ones you shouldn’t have let in
11. Conscience: the inner voice that warns us someone might be looking
12. When your hands are tied your nose itches
13. How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on
14. Winning the lottery happens to everybody else
15. If you say the word “sex”, the room goes very quiet
16. People neither mean what they say nor say what they mean
17. Life is what happens when you’re making other plans
18. Straight hair must be curled; curly hair must be ironed
19. I love Humanity – it’s people I can’t stand
20. Never let a computer know how much hurry you are in
21. Committee: a place where good ideas go to die
22. A committee is a group of people who can’t decide anything on their own, but together can decide that nothing can be done
23. In a hierarchical system, the rate of pay varies inversely with the unpleasantness of the task
24. Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret
25. Objects behave better when you shout at them
26. Inanimate objects move just fast enough to get in your way
27. Everything looks useful until you buy it
28. The words a man can never utter and live: “might you possibly be a little premenstrual?”
29. The noodle effect: When at last you have to ask the supermarket assistant where the noodles are, they’re right beside his head.
30. If you decide to walk on to the next bus stop, the bus will turn up when you are midway between stops.

Oh, i really liked this. " if the brain were simple enough for us to understand it, we'd be so simple we wouldn't be able to".

dear diary, i watched a M18 film yesterday. i was asked for ID. this has gota be the most ridiculous yet. R21 mbe ok, but 18?! thats almost a whole decade off. and i became the laughingstock of the night. but it's ok im flattered actually haha.

there was a couple in the row just in front of us who took out a loaf of bread and opened a bottle of mayo. no kidding. we were speechless for a few seconds. and it takes a whole bloody lot to put raj at a loss for words ahha. we thought they were gona start bringing out lettuce and all. they ended up simply dipping the bread in the mayo. match-made-in-heaven kinda couple.

raj has recovered enough to be out and about on one crutch. hopefully the nerves in his fingers and wrist wake up soon. mbe in ano 6 mths he'l be back at the drumset where he belongs.

guess who i ran into on bus 190 enroute to town haha. of all unlikely coincidence in the world. life's funny that way. i just wana shake my head and laugh.

haha such a poseur im not even much of a EVH fan to start with. but the design is niceee yay.

there are times when i feel the whole world is against me.

then i remember, im flattering myself. in all likelihood, the world doesnt give a flying damn about me.

do you feel a need to feel needed? if your existence is barely discernible at best, then it's all really pointless to hang around aint it. unless you really enjoy occupying space for the fun of it.

interestingly enough, it's not even the first time i'm in a situation like this. have you ever asked yourself, if given a choice, would you choose be the star in a team that wins nothing, or a bit-part player in a championship team? at that time i did prefer the latter but admittedly there were many other variables in that equation.

it's not really a fair comparison i know. but unfortunately, deep down the snob is very much alive. i think i'l never be able to get past myself.

hi, it's been a while.

to bring ur appreciation of silence to a whole new level, try teaching as a career.

funny how ppl think im too friendly in the work context, and too hostile in the social one.

what do i think? i'm just a giant mess.

excuse me while i get myself sorted out. ttyl.

so i ended up at paul's house for xmas eve potluck gathering, with a whole bunch of his musician friends, most of whom are pretty kickass. paul's bro nicholas has an eye-popping range of gear, 4 amps, 30+ pedals of which about half are boutique stuff, 6 or 7 guitars, an electronic drumkit and a host of home recording devices. he unveiled a vox 50W tube amp, xmas prez to himself. great tone that monster. the crazy guys were at it jamming GnR and hendrix at what, 1am. that was some crazy entertaining shit.

not long after, i did a spectacular merlion trick. cant hold my liquor + being absolutely crap at card games..lets just say i havent puked like that in years. no, i havent puked like that ever before. gross bleargh.

oh vpost delivered my guitar and pedal just in time for xmas hehheh. nicholas has made me realise that my gear whoring isnt serious at all. i feel much better muahaha.

hospitals are depressing places for the most part. i looked in on raj he was banged up pretty bad i hope the operation today went well. honestly, i didnt know what to say, i mean, what could i say that could possibly help? at least we know the worst is over. we count blessings in little ways.

and then that funny autopay machine at the NUH carpark. the charge was $1.20 and caught w/o small change i popped a $10 note in. out came the change, yep, all FORTY-fucking-FOUR of it, $8.80 worth of 20ct coins. its kinda hilarious though i would've liked it much better if that were a jackpot machine but this comes pretty close.

------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------------------

the vpost ppl are taking ages with my guitar and GT2. sigh. bo bian. but dear pin has helped me get my SD '59 and i'l be getting the JB at davis instead. strangely the JB is cheaper here than in the states. dear cikgu will possibly wrangle some discount off them aha cikgu rocks did i mention how much i love him? *makes mental note to stop repeating myself*

thank goodness raj's ok. thank goodness.

it may be a long wait to full recovery but i'll stick around.

and please people, be careful on the roads.

xmas came early again this year i bought meself the S-classic! hell yeah i love ebay! the seller turned out to be kosaku nakamura. who you say? this kosaku, and these are just the Ibanez babies. anyone this crazy about them deserves respect, i withdraw the rude comments from earlier haha.

all my ibanez guitars were acquired during year end in '04, '05 and now '06. seems like GAS hits especially hard during this time lol. not that i really needed an excuse to buy this but i'l consider it a reward for working myself to the ground this year yay.

mbe i'l get meself some hot EMGs to be installed in the new baby. yeah.

and oh, recent weeks i've had to take a few refresher lessons on self-reliance. from various sources. if throwing a few dollars at it will make the problem go away, well then it wasnt much of a problem to start with.

"why do u need another guitar??"

erm. who said anything about need. i just want.

also, some things do not have to be explained.

bwahaha!

i received a few weird SMSes and missed calls today while in class. from a really persistent female.

"Terence, can buy dinner for me. Black pepper pork chop, long beans, diced chicken and omelette. From iris. I am in the female rest room."

WTF? eat so much ah. made me so hungry. talk about obscene messages haha.

hmm nothing brings on the obsessiveness more than being denied eh? thats prob the most fundamental thing about auctions and why they work. so at first i was just in neutral mode browsing the sansamp GT2, then it became a full-blown chase. i got one of course haha dont u just love auctions. such a rush of adrenaline.

then i lost an auction for one lot of 4 dilbert books damn. even more determined now ah but thats not gear so no hurry.

and then, just like an accident waiting to happen, i searched for ibanez s-classic again. damn that bastard who won it last time has listed it, hoping to turn an immediate 150usd profit. guess what this sucker does? sigh. i keep thinking, since im not going abroad..ya i keep thinking la. this sucker hasnt actually done something yet. but she's certainly considering. some suckers dont deserve sympathy coz they never learn.

dear cheng baked me a cheddar cheese loaf. it rocked haha i'd wanted to take photo of it but by the time i remembered, there were oni 2 slices left. ahh nvm steal from her blog. and yeah i do get very very pissed off when im hungry and denied food. and when that happens i emanate evil. haha. i liked the meat at the korean bbq but the greens, i'l stick to the fresh type thank you. fake spicy lol its more saltish than spicy boo.

the surveillance has begun and we've all been promoted to reality show stars. was there really a need to resort to this, to turn things so ugly? whatever. i can hardly wait for the day. one more week.

employee X has tendered his resignation. excerpt of the exit interview with boss Y.

boss Y: so what do you think of salary you are drawing?

employee X: i can't say i'm underpaid la.

boss Y: that's right. in fact, we pay all our staff above market rate.

employee X: oh? what's the market rate?

boss Y: i don't know.

employee X: .......

none of this was fabricated. names have been changed to protect the identities.

it breaks my heart to see you in pain. there's nothing i can do and it just compounds the helplessness when you ask for the antidote. it's not with me. if i had it i'd have stuffed it down your throat weeks ago.

in this world which is increasingly dominated by grey people, to whom nothing really matters, for whom ambiguity is the way of life, it will always be the black-and-white people who find themselves on the losing end.

so to protect ourselves, we slowly turn ourselves grey..? i wouldnt recommend it. i tried that. now i hardly recognise myself anymore.

hello. it's been a crazy month. many a hurdle crossed. now all i can do is wait. wait i shall. little things that make me happy...

anorexic sylvester, by the most likeable pair of twins i've ever had the pleasure of teaching.

i finally know what it's like to take leave..albeit of the unpaid variety. 

i decided to be a scheming angel and bestow upon my bro my 2-year-old laptop. so that i could get this one guilt-free!

i bought these giant sennheiser headphones 2nd hand at a steal. they make me look like an alien. a happy one.

had a great wine outing with the colleagues. nice little wine bar not too far from home. all the in-house wine, mostly australian, stored in huge barrels. we sat on cushions placed on wooden crates. nicee. just when i was planning future trips there the owner tells us they're moving to tiong bahru. sigh. still i was thinking wine was the way to go. alcoholic high without the belly.

then came a call for round 2. this one i'd never say no to. lazy lizard. i realised almost at once then it'd be next to impossible to give up hoegaarden. oh well they can co-exist lol *burp*

oh ya i brought my dear fren to buy a guitar. i looked very excited, so i was told. haha yeah i love it when people buy gear. i hope you stick with it k, and this probably means i'l be seeing more of you yay.

things are about to get rather tense at work. then there are deadlines looming. but it's sunday night i shall leave the worrying for say, tuesday.

meantime we think of the little things that are capable of bringing a smile. BBQ tmr!!

ok i'm totally convinced now, honey is simply magic. sorta like legal steroids. ok that may be pushing it but yeah. i just had some basketball game with a bunch of crazy women, we used to play together for a club. most of them still play in some amateur league. i havent played at all for coupla years my ball sense was nonexistent. but eh i could run haha. ok i stopped just a wee bit short of hyperventilating but thats beside the point. anyway it was bledy fun and i could learn to take myself less seriously and just enjoy the game and the hilarity that accompanies the bunch. hmm. fortnightly game probly wldnt be tough to fit into the humdrum.

the obsessive streak is difficult to rein in, i can't think of other stuff until well, the next new obsession. so anyway i decided to invest in a nice skiprope. this has a nice name - speedrope - by reebok. bit expensive for a no-frills rope but this one is different. length is totally adjustible. totally. wooo. unless u're vertically-challenged as well, i doubt u share my joy haha. i'l have u know i snipped a good 40cm off it to get my ideal length.

this toy is so cool i tell ya. speedrope indeed. for the 1st time in my life i was doing double skips. not continuously -yet- of coz but some of attempts actually succeeded. but skipping indoors meant i had to go w/o shoes and i managed to whip myself pretty good too.

side note. i like my feet and hands. they look like they belong to a real skinny person lol. colleague said my hands resemble a witch's. bony. well yeah. all the fat is concentrated in the midsection sigh.

anyway i've gotten it sorted out. priorities i mean. time to stop neglecting my guitars. watched some bands play last night. pin's girlband just reminded me again how much we managed to throw away while we still had scarlet ash. but now i'm itching to play again yay!

mbe its some self affirmation phase. or i'm just refusing to grow up. i'm gona start picking up all the stuff i used to do. and twist cheng's arm into teaching me piano. i won't be difficult to teach i promise. i'm smarter than i look. serious. lol.

i've decided to take the plunge for the PPT nxt month afterall. really kinda worried though. how can one forget how to do stuff like that? how difficult can it be to do a forward roll, backward roll and cartwheel? apart from backward which i dont think i've ever managed, the other 2 i used to be able to do. ok that was 2 decades ago but still. strange, the limbs dont remember. and i'm just really scared of injury haha tortoise. argh. after that 1 experimental forward roll that left me dizzy the whole night i havent had the friggin guts to try again. sigh. see how la.

its been raining mucho. i love rainy days except right now it just reminds me too much of what i'd rather forget. what a convenient excuse, so tonite i aint going running. instead im sitting in front of the tv watching andy lau and sammi cheng play two 300pound-fatties on a diet lol how cute.

yeah dimsum trip with cheng rocked. dimsum is chinese ppl's gift to the world haha. we got other foodie trips lined up, gota spread them out though. next time i'd be sure to check with parties who uh expressly expressed interest lol.

so we jammed. about time too. i'd almost forgotten how much fun it could be. dear cheng bought me old school biscuits aha. pin bought me *gasp* live8 dvd set woah thanks man. 10hrs' worth of footage the real deal yeehaa!

i've always believed crying is a sign of weakness, a blow to self esteem. yet i realised, the one thing tears do, is clear the vision. suddenly the fog lifts, visibility improves and everything is crystal clear. it's so easy to be blinded what one wants to believe, rather than what's really there. the throbbing agony diminishes to a dull ache which will hopefully be eradicated sooner than later. recognising one's own stupidity is a great start. keep lessons learnt in conscious memory, that's good enough.

progress. that's all i ask.

havent been feeling talkative. must be the darned weather. argh the headaches.

so anyway i joined the parents for badminton again. it could be the weekly run, or the magic of honey or possibly both but stamina's better, and i feel more in control. the courts where we play, theres some sorta club thing going on, many uncles and aunties, some of them really good players. theres this coach who regularly books a court to teach, he didnt have any class going on today. for some reason he decided to pull me aside to gimme some uh, free pointers. probly he was just bored, or i really had "misery" written all over my face. yeah, i never did like the doubles game. even back when i took it seriously and was supposedly a competent singles player, i was always shitty at doubles. i like open spaces to exploit and being solely responsible for whatever outcome. ok fine that, and i can't handle the speed and intensity of doubles. unfortunately everybody plays doubles there, more efficient use of the courts i guess. sadly i doubt i still have the stamina to play a proper singles game.

so anyway we did some drills (god i never thought i'd say this but i enjoyed those), and then he dragged his friends into a doubles game, where i partnered him. mixed doubles (properly played), god, a totally different ballgame. we confirmed beyond doubt that (1) i can't serve low (2) my net play sucks. hahaha. i dont like mixed doubles strategy. i hate net play. i wana be the one whacking at the back. but you just can't win with guys sigh.

so after that i got some more playing tips, and a little pep talk on how i just lack confidence, that it all can be done. i get that a lot, the confidence thing. in many different aspects of my pathetic life.

why and when did i stop believing in myself? hmm i duno. anyway my friend christian wrote this. i really like the "relentless kid" part. check out the immaculate grammar too woohooo. it's not senseless. good stuff really.

yay check out my new guitar it's a red hot semi hollow lol. handmade, complete with f-holes.

my little bro bought it for me. no doubt to assuage his guilt coz together with his birthday gift i'd attached a note that said "from your dear sis, who didnt receive so much of a fart for her bday". haha that was sweet of him anyway, he doesnt know the 1st thing bout them guitars. i guess thats why i keep getting these...ornamental guitar stuff. pins, brooches, miniatures..from him and other non-guitarist pals. i'm a practical person aha, mbe abit too practical but i like..usable stuff. in any case, it was a sweet gesture and i shall shut up with the ungrateful talk.

and oh, i just wana whine. look at this.

shit.